Staying Cool When Things Heat Up

Everyone gets angry.

Being angry does not have to lead to a fight. But, when we lose our temper, we are more likely to get into a fight or say something we will later wish we did not say.

Once you lose your temper, it takes about 30 minutes to calm down and think clearly.

If you think you are about to "lose it," leave, find something to relax your mind, and come back later.

This saves a lot of trouble. It may even save your life! You can say, "I'm starting to get mad. Can we talk about this later when I've cooled down?"

Don't crowd.

Some people get afraid when others get too close. Stay an arm's length away from the other person.

Find out why this person is upset.

"Why are you saying this?"

Explain your side.

"This is how I see it. What I think happened is _________."

Try to make things right.

"I don't want us to be enemies over this. What can we do to make this right?"

Not fighting is a sign of self-respect and maturity.

It takes more courage to leave than to stay and fight.

Tell them to "talk it out" when they have calmed down.

• "This is not worth fighting about."

• "Don't let a fight happen over this."

Leave them alone.

If you and others leave, the fight most likely will not happen. Many fighters want and need people watching. You can say, "Let's get out of here. They can work this out as long as we leave them alone."

Do not watch or encourage the fight. Get help.

Supporting the fight with yelling, teasing, cheering and pushing only makes things worse. Get help from an adult. But first, tell someone that this is what you are doing.

If you feel safe, say in a clear, firm voice, "Stop!"

Let the fighters and those watching know that besides getting hurt, there is a chance of:

• Getting kicked out of school

• Being thrown off the team

• Having the whole group punished

• Getting grounded

• Being arrested

Getting help is not tattling.

You are not trying to get anyone in trouble. You are trying to stop someone from getting hurt.

• If you hear that someone is planning to harm someone else, tell an adult.

• If someone is threatening you or someone else, ask an adult for help.

Stand up for those who are being bullied.

This takes a lot of courage. Try to get others to help. Together you can make a difference.

Get to know the person being picked on.

When the victim is not your friend or is unpopular, it's just as important to care about what happens. You may be able to help this person become more involved with school activities.

Help your friends learn how to settle arguments and conflicts without fighting.

Share what you know about not getting into fights.

Learn the truth about weapons.

A gun or other weapon does NOT make anyone safer. It only means that someone may be seriously hurt or killed.

Learn how to stay cool before things heat up!

Talk with friends and understanding adults about what to do before something happens. By talking about it now, you will know what to say and do in the future. Think about what you would do if:

• You are challenged to a fight and your friends want you to fight back.

• A friend of yours is being picked on and asks for your help.

• You know that some kids are taking knives to school.

• You hear about plans to "jump" someone.